All quotes from
Thupten's book
Most of us continue to hold on to a static self-representation. Each of us has internalized, from our
cultural, social and childhood experience, a particular representation of
ourselves, a self-concept that exerts a powerful influence on our everyday
life, because it affects how we perceive as well as experience ourselves and
the world around us.
Achievement-dependent self-esteem makes us vulnerable to feelings of
inadequacy and failure when things don’t unfold as expected.
Unless we change social structures and institutions, we cannot
expect our society to change in any fundamental, enduring way.
Hatred is a form of caring (we don’t hate if we don’t care). Self-hatred comes from caring a lot but being
unable to accept or forgive our imperfect selves.
In intimate relationships, there will be times when one side feels
more vulnerable than the other. It helps
if the one who is less vulnerable offers kindness and understanding rather than
judgment and recrimination.
Performance obsession can lead to insensitivity, impatience, and
even arrogance toward other people, especially when we perceive them to be not
up to our standard.
People
who are suffering are not always on their best behavior.
When we face a challenge, if we remain caught within the narrow
confines of self-preoccupation then fear becomes the dominant emotion.
Having compassion for others doesn’t mean people aren’t accountable
for their actions.
Our happiness lies not in avoiding pain and sorrow, but in not
letting them disturb our basic equilibrium – the calm of allowing, at least for
the moment, the way things are. The
sooner we can make peace with them, the sooner we can stop reacting and start
living with compassion for ourselves and for others.
Emotional pain almost always has an element of disappointment, which
has to do with certain expectations not being met.