All quotes from
Helen's book
Rather than
wondering whether or not your experiences fit a definition of
"abuse", remember that abusive experiences vary widely and, instead,
try to piece together an understanding of how your experiences affect you
today.
Our experience, at
any one time, reflects several elements: the way we feel, how we think and what
we do, and the influences of our biological state and our environment.
Some memories haunt us because they have not been
"laid to rest"; they have not been emotionally processed, and so the
impact of them remains very immediate.
We fail to process
memories emotionally when we avoid reflecting on the whole context of an
experience with regard to our thoughts and feelings and what they event meant
to us.
Many survivors of
abuse carry a heavy burden of assumed guilt.
Self-blame often
represents an old belief system.
The sensations of
anger and anxiety are similar, and it is especially easy to confuse anger and
fear if you have a fear of anger.
Understanding an
action doesn't mean that you have to accept it or that it was excusable.
You don't have to be
hostile in order to confront someone.
The sort of belief
systems that can be destructive are those that prevent you from respecting,
protecting or valuing yourself or others.
Assertiveness means
communicating your needs in a way which is not aggressive, non passive, nor
manipulative.
Trust is usually
something that we give to a degree and which should be under constant review.
