All quotes from
Brene's book
Even in the context
of suffering -- poverty, violence, human rights violations -- not belonging in
our families is still one of the most dangerous hurts. That's because it has the power to break our
heart, our spirit, and our sense of self-worth.
Sometimes the most
dangerous thing for kids is the silence that allows them to construct their own
stories -- stories that almost always cast them as alone and unworthy of love
and belonging.
Belonging to
ourselves means being called to stand alone -- to brave the wilderness of
uncertainty, vulnerability, and criticism, and with the world feeling like a
political and ideological combat zone, this is remarkably tough.
True belonging is
not passive. It's not the belonging that
comes with just joining a group. It's
not fitting in or pretending or selling out because it's safer. It's a practice that requires us to be
vulnerable, get uncomfortable, and learn how to be present with people without
sacrificing who we are. We want true
belonging, but it takes tremendous courage to knowingly walk into hard
moments.
True belonging
doesn’t require you to change who you are; it requires you to be who you are.
Our world is in a
collective spiritual crisis.
Loneliness as
"perceived social isolation".
We experience loneliness when we feel disconnected…. At the heart of
loneliness is the absence of meaningful social interaction.
As members of a
social species, we don't derive strength from our rugged individualism, but
rather from our collective ability to plan, communicate, and work together.
The brain's
self-protection mode often ramps up the stories we tell ourselves about what's
happening, creating stories that are often not true or exaggerate our worst
fears and insecurities. Unchecked loneliness fuels continued loneliness by
keeping us afraid to reach out.
Our natural
conversation is centered on "what should we fear?" and "who
should we blame?"
Our lack of
tolerance for vulnerable, tough conversations is driving our self-sorting and
disconnection.
If we can find a way
to feel hurt rather than spread hurt, we can change.
When we are in pain
and fear, anger and hate are our go-to emotions.
We must never
tolerate dehumanization -- the primary instrument of violence that has ben used
in very genocide recorded throughout history.
All lives matter,
but not all lives need to be pulled back into moral inclusion. Not all people
were subjected to the psychological process of demonizing and being made less
than human so we could justify the inhumane practice of slavery.
I've come to the
conclusion that the way we engage with social media like fire --- you can use
them to keep yourself warm and nourished, or you can burn down the barn. It all depends on your intentions,
expectations, and reality-checking skills.
The foundation of
courage is vulnerability -- the ability to navigate uncertainty, risk, and
emotional exposure.
Vulnerability is not
weakness; it's our most accurate measure of courage.
The key to joy is
practicing gratitude.
