Basically, secure
people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving; anxious
people crave intimacy, are often preoccupied with their relationships, and tend
to worry about their partner's ability to love them back; avoidant people equate
intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness.
Most people are only
as needy as their unmet needs.
Two dimensions
essentially determine attachment styles: Your comfort with intimacy and
closeness (or the degree to which you try to avoid intimacy); Your anxiety
about your partner's love and attentiveness and your preoccupation with the
relationship.
People with
different attachment styles tend to explain why they are still alone in a
different manner: People who are anxious often feel that there is something
wrong with them; secures will have a more realistic view of things, and
avoidants… attribute their single status to external circumstances, such as not
having met the right girl.
Belief in
self-reliance is very closely linked with a low degree of comfort with intimacy
and closeness.
Remember that just
because you can get along with anyone doesn't mean you have to.
Express your
fears! Don't let them dictate your
actions.
