Any time you find
yourself saying, "I should…", "I need to…", or "I
really must…", you can be pretty certain that you are talking about social
idealisms or the values of some external authority instead of expressing your
own true highest values. When you hear yourself saying, "I desire
to…", "I choose to…", or "I love to…", then you know
that you are talking about a goal that is truly valuable to you.
If there is
something that you believe you would love to have in your life -- such as a
more fulfilling career, a life partner, or greater financial freedom -- I can
tell you that the reason you don't have it in that particular form is almost
certainly that you don't truly value it enough.
There is something else you value more, and that is where your energy,
time, money, and focus have gone, whether you are aware of it or not. When you truly value something, you are
constantly on the lookout for opportunities to fulfill that value.
Your highest values
determine your attention, retention, and intention: what you notice, what you
remember, and what you intend or act upon.
Rather than being
driven by passion, truly fulfilled human beings will follow their mission,
inspired by their highest values and most integrated being.
Our lives are
constantly demonstrating what matters to us most.
Your life never
lies. What you value most is what your
life will reveal.
How do you know
whether you are living by your own values or by someone else's? There are two
simple ways to tell: 1. Whenever you try to live according to someone else's
values, you find yourself saying "should", "ought to", and "have
to". 2. When you fail to do what
you thought you "should", you experience the ABCD's of negativity --
anger, blame, criticism, and despair -- directed toward yourself.
Whenever I hear
someone say, "I tried to do it, but I just didn't seem to get around to
it", I understand that what they have "tried" to do isn't really
all that important to them. What was
truly more important to them was what they kept doing instead!
People make time for
things that are really important to them and run out of time for things that
aren't.
You find money for
things that are valuable to you, but you don't want to part with your money for
things that are not important to you. So
your choices about spending money tell you a great deal about what you value
most.
We bring order and
organization to things that are important to us and allow chaos and disorder
with things that are low on our values.
The secret to living
an inspired life, then, is to focus on those challenging voids that inspire us
to stretch beyond our limits and create new visions, new possibilities, and new
selves.
Hell is not
someplace you go. Hell is a state of
mind that emerges when you try to live with unrealistic expectations such as
ease without difficulty, support without challenge, pleasure without pain. If that is what you truly seek, your life
will disappoint you.
Your highest values
tell you what you love and what matters most to you. And your highest value -- the thing you love
most and that matters to you most -- is your life's purpose.
People often fail to
recognize that every quality and action is a spiritual expression, even those
that are conventionally seen as mundane, trivial, or even sinful.
Anything that speaks
to your highest value is part of your spiritual path and helping you fulfill
your destiny.
Another key Buddhist
concept is dharma --wise behavior or "right" action, which moves you
toward fulfillment, nirvana, or personal liberation. In a sense, dharma might be seen as
"purpose". So when we live
according to that which is most important to us -- when we live teleologically,
with meaning and purpose -- we are living with dharma and not karma…. We are
living with inspiration, not desperation.
Your life
automatically demonstrates your present life's purpose. So what is your life demonstrating? What do
you do everyday or nearly every day? What is it that you love doing that nobody
ever has to remind you to do?
The purpose of any
relationship -- including a marriage -- is to make sure we get both support and
challenge.
Nobody is missing
their life partner. All of the character
traits of your life partner are with you throughout your life. When you
perceive that you are missing your life partner, it is because you have a
somewhat incomplete understanding of what a life partner is.
Ingratitude occurs
when you assume that the balanced world around you is supposed to offer you
more support than challenge, and more positive than negative.
Ingratitude is the
result of an imbalanced, limited perception.
