All quotes from Brene’s book
Men and women who live wholeheartedly do indeed DIG deep. They just do it in a different way when
they’re exhausted and overwhelmed; they get Deliberate in their thoughts and
behaviors through prayer, meditation, or simply setting their intentions;
Inspired to make new and different choices; Going. They take action.
If we can’t stand up to the never good enough and who do you think
you are? We can’t move forward.
The heart of compassion is really acceptance. The better we are at accepting ourselves and
others, the more compassionate we become.
Our innate need for connection makes the consequences of
disconnection that much more real and dangerous.
If we want to live and love with our whole hearts, and if we want to engage with the world from a place
of worthiness, we have to talk about the things that get in the way –
especially shame, fear, and vulnerability.
Shame is basically the fear of being unlovable – it’s the total
opposite of owning our story and feeling worthy.
Shame keeps worthiness away by convincing us that owning our stories
will lead to people thinking less of us.
Shame is all about fear.
Shame needs three things to grow out of control in our lives:
secrecy, silence, and judgment.
Shame is about who we are, and guilt is about our behaviors.
My courage is acknowledging hurt and not hurting back.
Cruelty is never brave – it’s mostly cheap and easy, especially in
today’s culture.
Resilience is often a slow unfolding of understanding.
In order to deal with shame, some of us move away by withdrawing,
hiding, silencing ourselves, and keeping secrets. Some of us move toward by
seeking to appease and please. And, some
of us move against by trying to gain power over others, by being aggressive,
and by using shame to fight shame.
Shame is about fear, blame, and disconnection.
Authenticity is not something we have or don’t have. It’s a practice
– a conscious choice of how we
want to live.
Choosing authenticity means cultivating the courage to be imperfect,
to set boundaries, and to allow ourselves to be vulnerable; exercising the
compassion that comes from knowing that we are all made of strength and
struggle; and nurturing the connection and sense of belonging that can only
happen when we believe that we are enough.
“Staying real” is one of the most courageous battles that we’ll ever
fight.
Sometimes choosing being real over being liked is all about playing
it unsafe.
Staying vulnerable is a risk we have to take if we want to
experience connection.
When we don’t care at all what people think and we’re immune to
hurt, we’re also ineffective at connecting.
If you trade in your authenticity for safety, you may experience the
following: anxiety, depression, eating disorders, addiction, rage, blame,
resentment, and inexplicable grief.
Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be your best.
Perfectionism is not self-improvement. Perfectionism is, at its
core, about trying to earn approval and acceptance.
Our children learn how to be self-compassionate by watching us, and
the people around us feel free to be authentic and connected.
Most of us engage in behaviors (consciously or not) that help us to
numb and take the edge off vulnerability, pain and discomfort.
When we lose our tolerance for discomfort, we lose joy.
Feelings of hopelessness, fear, blame, pain, discomfort,
vulnerability and disconnection sabotage resilience.
Without purpose, meaning, and perspective, it is easy to lose hope,
numb our emotions, or become overwhelmed by our circumstances. We feel reduced, less capable, and lost in
the face of struggle.
The heart of spirituality is connection.
It seems that gratitude without practice may be a little like faith
without works – it’s not alive.
Happiness is tied to circumstance and joyfulness is tied to spirit
and gratitude.
We need to cultivate the spiritual practices that lead to
joyfulness, especially gratitude.
A joyful life is made up of joyful moments gracefully strung
together by trust, gratitude, inspiration, and faith.
Until we can tolerate vulnerability and transform it into gratitude, intense feelings of love will often
bring up the fear of loss.
The dark does not destroy the light; it defines it. It’s our fear of the dark that casts joy into
the shadows.
If we’re not practicing gratitude and allowing ourselves to know
joy, we are missing out on the two things that will actually sustain us during
the inevitable hard times.
In many instances, we equate ordinary with boring or, even more
dangerous, ordinary has become synonymous with meaningless.
When we just want to get the decision-making over with, it’s a good
idea to ask ourselves whether we simply can’t stand the vulnerability of being
still long enough to think it
through and make a mindful decision.
Intuition is not a single way of knowing – it’s our ability to hold
space for uncertainty and our willingness to trust the many ways we’ve
developed knowledge and insight, including instinct, experience, faith and
reason.
It’s our fear of the unknown and our fear of being wrong that create
most of our conflict and anxiety.
Faith is a place of mystery, where we find the courage to believe in
what we cannot see and the strength to let go of our fear of uncertainty.
Comparison is all about conformity and competition.
As long as we’re creating, we’re cultivating meaning.
Stillness is not about focusing on nothingness; it’s about creating
a clearing. It’s opening up an emotionally clutter-free space and allowing
ourselves to feel and think and dream and question.
To overcome self-doubt, and “supposed to”, we have to start owning
the messages. What makes us afraid? What’s on our “supposed
to” list? Who says? Why?
When we value being cool and in control over granting ourselves the
freedom to unleash the passionate, goofy, heartfelt, and soulful expressions of
who we are, we betray ourselves.
When we don’t give ourselves permission to be free, we rarely
tolerate that freedom in others.
However afraid we are of change, the question that we must
ultimately answer is this: what’s the greater risk? Letting go of what people
think or letting go of how I feel, what I believe, and who I am?
My story matters because I matter.
