PART ONE
What
you want in the end, you must have in the beginning.
When
others behave in a way we don’t like, we make them wrong and continually blame
them until we make ourselves sick. Over and over again, we replay the story in
our mind, rationalizing our position and making another the guilty party. Despite whatever self-belief we cling to, by
holding onto the conviction that someone else aggrieved us, we will never be
free and will never be able to create the loving relationships we so
desperately desire.
Our
self-image, or ego, is conditioned over time by our parents, society and
culture. We think of the self-image as ourselves.
The
ego has needs; it makes demands. And when needs are not met, it leads to
frustration, anger and resentment. We believe we are looking for love, but it
is not love we are seeking.
Our
self-image creates the world we live in. we exist in a fantasy world, not the
real world. Distorted by our perceptions, our happiness morphs into sadness,
loving becomes revenge, and satisfaction turns into expectations.
The
“I” is needed to sustain the body. There is nothing wrong with it, but it is
vastly misunderstood and overrated in terms of reliability.
As we
listen to the messages of the body, we must discern what it is really telling
us, all the while remembering that the mind has a mind of its own.
There
is no advancement or awareness until we learn to consciously let go of the past
with all its blame and shame.
Understand
you did not come to this life empty-handed. You came with the baggage of
unfinished karma from your past.
Justification
is not figuring it out.
We
have an animal body, a human mind and a divine potential. Animal consciousness is limited to physical
survival…. Our identity is based first upon safety and survival.
The
human consciousness of “I” extends beyond the body into the realm of “who I
am”. The sense we develop as “who I am” is a vast, definable nebula of changing
self-concepts, belief systems, personal perspectives, attitudes, opinions,
biases, likes and dislikes, attractions and repulsions.
Growing
up doesn’t necessarily mean emotional maturity. That depends on evolving
conscious self-awareness.
The
first thing a relationship does is show you everything about yourself that you
do not want to see.
Wherever
we go, whatever we do, we do not meet life as it is. Rather we experience our
expectation of how we think life should be. Expectations are silent reactions.
They are conditioned by our past and re-occur in the present.
Expectations
are extensions of our beliefs based on memories that exist nowhere but in the
mind.
Reactions
are our entry into dualistic thinking. Duality is separation.
Any
feeling of conflict is the result of habitual unconscious reaction and is not
real.
In the
light of consciousness, we have a choice that is neither fight nor flight. The
third choice is the important distinction between separation and union. This is
“the gap”.
In
every moment, we are making decisions, passing judgments on others, setting
ourselves apart from what we don’t like and clinging to what makes us feel
better. All of these emotions come from reactions.
To be
released from knee jerk reactions, one must learn the techniques that create
space between what is actually happening and the formation of the reaction.
Life
perpetually moves us toward self-healing.
You
have to do the painful work of seeing yourself in all your expectations of the
other.
