All quotes from
Pema's book
Our attempts to find
lasting pleasure, lasting security, are at odds with the fact that we're part
of a dynamic system in which everything and everyone is in process.
We grab at pleasure
and try to avoid pain.... Under the illusion that experiencing constant
security and well-being is the ideal state, we do all sorts of things to try to
achieve it.
Our discomfort
arises from all of our efforts to put ground under our feet, to realize our
dream of constant okayness.
To be in denial: you
can't hear anything that doesn't fit into your fixed identity. Even something positive -- you're kind or you
did a great job or you have a wonderful sense of humor -- is filtered through
this fixed identity.
The purpose of the
spiritual path is to unmask, to take off our armor. When that happens, it feels like a crisis
because it is a crisis -- a fixed-identity crisis.
The real cause of
suffering is not being able to tolerate uncertainty.
The fixed identity
is our false security. We maintain it by
filtering all of our experience through this perspective.
When we don't like
someone -- they're not on our wavelength, so we don't want to hang out with them
-- it's generally because they challenge our fixed identity. We're uncomfortable in their presence because
they don't confirm us in the ways we want to be confirmed, so we can't function
in the ways we want to function.
The discomfort
associated with groundlessness, with the fundamental ambiguity of being human,
comes from our attachment to wanting things to be a certain way.
The suffering we
experience with physical pain is entirely conceptual. It comes not from the
sensation itself but from how we view it.
In Buddhism, strong
emotions like anger, craving, pride, and jealousy are known as kleshas --
conflicting emotions that cloud the mind.
The kleshas are our vehicle for escaping groundlessness, and therefore
every time we give in to them, our preexisting habits are reinforced.
We can spend our
whole life suffering because we can't relax with how things really are, or we
can relax and embrace the open-endedness of the human situation.
When you practice
staying present, one thing you'll quickly discover is how persistent the story
line is.
It isn't the content
of our movie that needs our attention, it's the projector. It isn't the current story line that's the
root of our pain; it's our propensity to be bothered in the first place.
In not taking the
old escape routes, we're predisposing ourselves to a new way of seeing
ourselves.
You build your inner
strength through embracing the totality of your experience, both the delightful
parts and the difficult parts.
It's a tricky
business-- not rejecting any part of your self at the same time that you're
becoming acutely aware of how embarrassing or painful some of those parts are.
Lovingkindness for
yourself does not mean making sure you're feeling good all the time-- trying to
set up your life so that you're comfortable every moment. Rather, it means setting up your life so that
you have time for meditation and self-reflection for kindhearted, compassionate
self-honesty.
If we don't act on
our craving for pleasure or our fear of pain, we're left in the wide-open,
unpredictable middle. The instruction is
to rest in that vulnerable place.
At some point,
you'll hit a wall of truth and wonder what you've been doing with your life.
Each of us lives in
a reality we take to be the real one. This is how it is, we insist. End of story.
Tonglen is a
practice for thinking bigger, for touching into our sameness with all
beings.
The path to
unshakable well-being lies in being completely present and open to all sights,
all sounds, all thoughts -- never withdrawing, never hiding, never needing to
jazz them up or tone them down.
Each person's life
is like a mandala -- a vast, limitless circle.
We stand in the center of our own circle, and everything we see, hear,
and think forms the mandala of our life.... Everything that shows up in your mandala
is a vehicle for your awakening. From
this point of view, awakening is right at your fingertips continually.... It's
up to you whether your life is a mandala of neurosis or a mandala of sanity.
Splendidness
provides vision, and wretchedness grounds us.
If you can stay
present in even the most challenging circumstances, the intensity of the
situation will transform you.
