Denial of death runs
rampant through our culture, leaving us woefully unprepared when it is our time
to die, or our time to help others die.
We often aren't available for those who need us, paralyzed as we are by
anxiety and resistance -- nor are we available for ourselves.
The only way to
develop openness to situations as they are is by practicing the partners of
presence and acceptance.
The message of the
Buddha was clear and direct -- freedom from suffering lies within suffering
itself, and it is up to each individual to find his or her own way…. He further
taught that enlightenment is not a mystical, transcendent experience but an ongoing
process, calling for three fundamental qualities: fearlessness, intimacy, and
transparency.
A spiritual life is
not about being self-conscious, or wearing a button that says "I'm a
boddhisattva!" It is about doing
what you have to do with no attachment to outcome.
Equanimity, grounded
in letting go, is the capacity to be in touch with suffering and at the same
time not be swept away by it. Equanimity
can be thought of as the state of being non-partial -- not impartial, but non-partial.
Our practice of
not-knowing points to an openness in perspective, an openness that is deeper
than a story, deeper than our expectations, deeper than our wishes, deeper than
our personality, deeper than cultural constructs.
Pain is really made
up of non-pain elements. We feel
sensations such as duration, intensity, and cadence, and our brains do the
rest, interpreting these sensations as pain and making up the story that goes
along with it.
Suffering can give
birth to a bigger perspective and greater resilience, and, strangely enough,
suffering is the mother of kindness and compassion if we turn toward it with
openness, making a friend of it.
Keeping your
personal life together is not an optional indulgence but an absolute necessity
when it comes to being of use to others in the world.
Our well-being is
the well-being of others.
Here are a few good
principles for self-care: See your limits with compassion. Set up a schedule that is sane. Know what practices and activities refresh
you, and make time for them. Actively
involve, include, and support other caregivers.
Develop a plan for doing your work in a way that is mindful,
restorative, wholesome, and healthy.
We need to learn to
stay with suffering without trying to change it or fix it. Only when we are able to be present for our
own suffering are we able to present for the suffering of others.
