Happier by Tal Ben-Shahar

All quotes from Tal’s book

Society rewards results, not processes; arrivals, not journeys.

One way of becoming happier, increasing the base level of our well-being, is to reduce the have-tos while increasing the want-tos.

The potential for happiness may be all around us, but if it goes unnoticed -- if our focus is elsewhere and we fail to perceive it -- we risk losing it.

To turn a possibility into a reality, we first need to realize that the possibility exists.

To raise our levels of well-being, there is no way around simplifying our lives.

To realize, to make real, life's potential for the ultimate currency, we must first accept that "this is it" -- that all there is to life is the day-to-day, the ordinary, the details of the mosaic. 

Rain: A Natural and Cultural History by Cynthia Barnett

The quote from Cynthia’s book

We imagine that a raindrop falls in the same shape as a drop of water hanging from the faucet, with a pointed top and a fat, rounded bottom.  The picture is upside down.  In fact, raindrops fall from the clouds in the shape of tiny parachutes, their tops rounded because of air pressure from below. 

The Zimzum of Love by Rob & Kristen Bell

All quotes from Rob & Kristen’s book

There are moments in marriage when you realize that you’re brushing up against our deepest experiences of what it means to be human, when you become aware that some of the most profound truths of the universe are lying next to you in bed, moments that illuminate our most innate and mysterious longings for grace and  connection and vitality. 

It’s risky to give yourself to another.  There are no guarantees, and there are lots of ways for it to all apart and break your heart.  But the upside is infinite.

Marriage – gay or straight – is a gift to the world because the world needs more – not less – love, fidelity, commitment, devotion, and sacrifice.

Before there was anything, there was only God…. For something to exist other than God, then, God had to create space that wasn’t God…. God had to contract or withdraw from a certain space so that something else, something other than God, could exist and thrive in that space. 

People often aren’t aware of just how responsive the space between them is. It matters what you say, it matters what you do, it matters how you think about this other person, it matters how you think about yourself.

To act, you first have to know.

It’s one thing to be in love; it’s another to act because of love.  Love is a noun – a feeling you have – and it’s also a verb, something you do.

Your marriage will only be as healthy as the least healthy one of you.

Pain and discomfort and the gnawing sense that things could be better are your friends. They wake you up, they stir you to action, they motivate you to get help.

There are seasons in marriage: when you first get together and you’re totally absorbed in each other is a very different season from the one when you’re both starting new jobs or when your first kid goes off to school or when you’re remodeling a house or your work involves long hours…. Some seasons happen because of choices you make; others arrive unexpectedly and uninvited.  Some seasons come and go quickly; others feel like they drag on and on.

When you get married you’re starting a conversation that never ends.

We all have ways we avoid conflict, and we also have triggers that escalate conflict.

Triggers are words phrases, and reminders that feed our fears and vulnerabilities and insecurities.  These triggers activate the more primitive part of our brains putting us in a heightened, defensive state.

When you’re fighting, it’s absolutely crucial to keep remembering that they’re trying to figure it out just like you are.

When you fight, there’s often an issue behind the issue…. You’re probably arguing about trust or responsibility or not listening or caring or making an effort.

You know there’s an issue behind the issue when your reaction is way out of proportion to whatever it is you’re fighting about.

It’s one thing in the middle of a tense discussion to say, why in the world do you see it that way? Which is really the question, why can’t you see it like I do? Which is really asking, what’s wrong with you? It’s another thing in the middle of the same tense discussion to ask, why do you see it that way? By which you’re also asking, what am I missing? Which leads to what are you seeing that I’m not seeing that I need you to help me see?

When in doubt, assume that they’re seeing something that you aren’t.

It’s really important that you do your absolute best to articulate what isn’t working for you – without attaching unnecessary emotion to it.

Great marriages have an ease about them, a back-and-forth nonreactive, nondefensive, open, and ongoing flow in which you never stop talking and figuring it out together.

Something beautiful comes from the dark and unknown and unexpected.

In quantum physics, when two subatomic particles have been bonded and then separated, they demonstrate an awareness of each other after they’ve been disconnected.  This is called entanglement.

You each have an interior life – doubts, fears, insecurities, issues you’re sorting out, wounds that you are healing, hopes and dreams you have.  No matter how confident or strong or successful we maybe appear we’re all a jumble of vulnerabilities and questions trying to make sense of what it means to be us.

You don’t just have a body, you are a body.  And how you think about your body is directly related to how you experience grace…. Spirituality is not about escape from the body or this world; it’s about being fully present in it.

To forgive, you first have to name the hurt.  It may be an actual phrase they used or an action they took; other times, it may be a feeling that you pick up.  Whatever it is, you can’t send it away if you don’t know what it is. 

Sometimes people are wounded but they can’t identify what the wound actually is, and so they carry around a vague cloud of pain while their heart grows cold.

God is a community of oneness.

God is movement, motion, energy, generosity.

Love is the engine of the universe, the life force that surges through all of creation.

When you live beyond yourself, orienting yourself around the thriving of another, you are reflecting the image of God. You are unleashing in the space between you the same divine energies that continue to create the universe.

It’s easy to divide your experiences in marriage into the good ones and the bad ones…. But the longer you’re married the more you see that everything that comes your way is an opportunity to find God and each other in new ways.

Be careful of your expectations.

Find your happiness within yourself, not in someone else. 

Originals by Adam Grant

All quotes from Adam’s book

The hallmark of originality is rejecting the default and exploring whether a better option exists…. The starting point is curiosity: pondering why the default exists in the first place. 

Practice makes perfect, but it doesn’t make new. 

Originality is an act of creative destruction.  Advocating for new systems often requires demolishing the old way of doing things, and we hold back for fear of rocking the boat. 

To be an original, you need to take radical risks. 

Originality is not a fixed trait. It is a free choice. 

It’s only after we’ve ruled out the obvious that we have the greatest freedom to consider the more remote possibilities. 

Conviction in our ideas is dangerous not only because it leaves us vulnerable to false positives, but also because it stops us from generating the requisite variety to reach our creative potential. 

In the face of uncertainty, our first instinct is often to reject novelty, looking for reasons why unfamiliar concepts might fail. 

As we gain knowledge about a domain, we become prisoners of our prototypes. 

When we diversify our knowledge base, we’re more likely to sample original ideas and retrieve unconventional knowledge. 

Our intuitions are only accurate in domains where we have a lot of experience. 

Intuitions are only trustworthy when people build up experience making judgments in a predictable environment. 

There’s a stable, robust relationship between the patterns you’ve seen before and what you encounter today. 

If we want to forecast whether the originators of a novel idea will make it successful, we need to look beyond the enthusiasm they express about their ideas and focus on the  enthusiasm for execution that they reveal through their actions. 

Only when you believe your actions matter and care deeply will you consider speaking up. 

Middle-status conformity leads us to choose the safety of the tried-and-true over the danger of the original. 

Being original doesn’t require being first. It just means being different and better. 

The more strongly you identify with an extreme group, the harder you seek to differentiate yourself from more moderate groups that threaten your values. 

When our character is praised, we internalize it as part of our identities.  Instead of seeing ourselves as engaging in isolated moral acts, we start to develop a more unified self-concept as a moral person. 

Groupthink—the tendency to seek consensus instead of fostering dissent.  Groupthink is the enemy of originality; people feel pressured to conform to the dominant, default views instead of championing diversity of thought. 

Confirmation bias: when you have a preference, you seek out information supporting it, while overlooking information that challenges it. 

The greatest shapers don’t stop at introducing originality into the world. They create cultures that unleash originality in others. 

Rather than trying to suppress a strong emotion, it’s easier to convert it into a different emotion – one that’s equally intense, but propels us to step on the gas. 

If you want people to take risks, you need first to show what’s wrong with the present. 

Venting doesn’t work even if you think it does – and even if it makes you feel good. The better you feel after venting, the more aggressive you get: not only toward your critic, but also toward innocent bystanders. 

One of the fundamental problems with venting is that it focuses attention on the perpetuation of injustice.  The more you think about the person who wronged you, the more violently you want to lash out in retaliation. 

When we’re angry at others, we aim for retaliation or revenge.  But when we’re angry for others, we seek out justice and a better system.  We don’t just want to punish; we want to help. 

Instead of taking the status quo for granted, ask why it exists in the first place. 

Motivate yourself differently when you’re committed vs uncertain.  When you’re determined to act, focus on the progress left to go – you’ll be energized to close the gap.  When your conviction falters, think of the progress you’ve already made.  Having come this far, how could you give up now? 

Ban the words like, love, and hate.… They make it too easy to give a visceral response without analyzing it. 

Gut Feelings by Gerd Gigerenzer

 The quote from Gerd’s book

Unconscious inferences weave together data from the senses using prior knowledge about the world. 

The Soul of Money by Lynne Twist

All quotes from Lynne’s book

The economy is a subset of ecology.  Every single thing -- food, clothing, electronics, homes and office buildings, cars and the fuel to run them, even this book you hold in your
hands -- is made from resources that come from the earth. 

We spend most of the hours and the days of our lives hearing, exploring, complaining, or worrying about what we don't have enough of.  We don't have enough rest.  We don't have enough exercise.  We don't have enough work.  We don't have enough profits.  We don't have enough power.  We don't have enough wilderness.  We don't have enough weekends. 

Scarcity as a chronic sense of inadequacy about life becomes the very place from which we think and act and live in the world. 

Once we define our world as deficient, the total of our life energy, everything we think, everything we say, and everything we do -- particularly with money -- becomes an expression of an effort to overcome this sense of lack and the fear of losing to others or being left out. 

Sufficiency is an act of generating, distinguishing, making known to ourselves the power and presence of our existing resources, and our inner resources.... When we live in the context of sufficiency, we find a natural freedom and integrity.  We engage in life from a sense of our own wholeness rather than a desperate longing to be complete. We feel naturally called to share the resources that flow through our lives -- our time, our money, our wisdom, our energy, at whatever level those resources flow -- to serve our highest commitments. 

In indigenous economic systems, the centering principles are those of sustainability and sufficiency.  The values of sharing, distribution, and allocation, not accumulation -- are the way of life. 

Wealth shows up in the action of sharing and giving, allocating and distributing, nourishing and watering the projects, people, and purpose that we believe in and care about, with the resources that flow to us and through us. 

No matter how much or how little money you have flowing through your life, when you direct that flow with soulful purpose, you feel wealthy.  You feel vibrant and alive when you use your money in a way that represents you, not just as a response to the market economy, but also as an expression of who you are.  When you let your money move to things you care about, your life lights up.  That's really what money is for. 

In the context of sufficiency, appreciation becomes a powerful, intentional practice of creating new value through our deliberate attention to the value of what we already have. 

When your attention is on what's lacking and scarce -- in your life, in your work, in your family, in your town -- then that becomes what you're about. 

A you-and-me world is full of collaborators, partners, sharing, and reciprocity. 

We think we live in the world. We think we live in a set of circumstances but we don't.  We live in our conversation about the world and our conversation about the circumstances. 

Everyone of us creates a legacy in the way we live now. 

Wired To Care by Dev Patnaik

All quotes from Dev’s book

People discover unseen opportunities when they have a personal and empathic connection with the world around them.


Our models are merely a representation of reality, not reality itself.  

Empathy helps people see the world as it really is, not how it looks on a map. 

It's hard to tell good facts from bad when your own experience of the world is too narrow. 

The simplest way to have empathy for other people is to be just like them.  A sense of affinity can deliver clarity to often difficult and complex situations.  It obliterates faulty assumptions and sharpens ambiguous data. 

A Book About Love by Jonah Lehrer

All quotes from Jonah’s book

Our mental health is defined by how we cope. 

When we have a secure base, we are better at dealing with our feelings of insecurity.

When a relationship endures, it is not because the flame never burns out. It is because the flame is always being relit.

Part of what you learn from an intimate relationship is that you are not nearly as easy to live with as you imagined. 

Although we think of love in the present tense, the endurance of the feeling depends on the past, on all those scenes and stories we do not forget. 

Intimacy is made possible by history, for the feeling of love is as much a memory as it is an experience. 

We carry our origins to our graves, but the meaning of our origins – the lessons of our childhood – can always be revised.

How we describe the past of a relationship shapes its future. 

Life is messy. It is full of contingency and randomness and accidents. 

To be in love is to forever lose the capacity not to care. 

The reality of romance is that it’s not just about romantic things: every relationship is also a test of stubbornness and endurance, a measure of our willingness to stay committed even when we’d rather run away. 

We learn how to love by being loved.

Love has no destination – it is a journey into itself, and on the most difficult days the best we can do is marvel at our slow progress, at all the ways we’ve been changed by a feeling. 

From dust to dust, with just love in between. 

Living beings only evolve when demand exceeds supply. 

Every new love must require the sacrifice of an old one; attachment is a zero-sum game. 

The mystery of love is the mystery of our lives: we are bound by a force we cannot fathom, driven by desires we cannot deny. 

Pimatisiwin: Walking in a Good Way by Mary Isabelle Young

All quotes from Mary’s book

Narrative is the study of how humans make meaning of experience by endlessly telling and retelling stories about themselves that both refigure the past and create purpose in the future.



The only thing I understood then was there were rules and if I wanted to escape punishment, I had to obey them.



My journey is not about blaming others for what I missed out or endured but it is about taking into account my original landscape, where I come from and by doing that I will be “truly present” to myself. 

The Aboriginal way of thinking is that language encompasses all of the following: a constant flux, moving, recombining, energy waves, spirit, animate, relations, renewal and land. 

The residential school system was set up to remove children from their parents to “civilize”, “Christianize”, and “educate”. 

The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown

All quotes from Brene’s book

Men and women who live wholeheartedly do indeed DIG deep.  They just do it in a different way when they’re exhausted and overwhelmed; they get Deliberate in their thoughts and behaviors through prayer, meditation, or simply setting their intentions; Inspired to make new and different choices; Going. They take action. 

If we can’t stand up to the never good enough and who do you think you are? We can’t move forward.  

The heart of compassion is really acceptance.  The better we are at accepting ourselves and others, the more compassionate we become.   

Our innate need for connection makes the consequences of disconnection that much more real and dangerous. 

If we want to live and love with our whole hearts, and if we want to engage with the world from a place of worthiness, we have to talk about the things that get in the way – especially shame, fear, and vulnerability. 

Shame is basically the fear of being unlovable – it’s the total opposite of owning our story and feeling worthy. 

Shame keeps worthiness away by convincing us that owning our stories will lead to people thinking less of us.  Shame is all about fear.  

Shame needs three things to grow out of control in our lives: secrecy, silence, and judgment. 

Shame is about who we are, and guilt is about our behaviors.  

My courage is acknowledging hurt and not hurting back.  

Cruelty is never brave – it’s mostly cheap and easy, especially in today’s culture. 

Resilience is often a slow unfolding of understanding.  

In order to deal with shame, some of us move away by withdrawing, hiding, silencing ourselves, and keeping secrets. Some of us move toward by seeking to appease and please.  And, some of us move against by trying to gain power over others, by being aggressive, and by using shame to fight shame.  

Shame is about fear, blame, and disconnection.  

Authenticity is not something we have or don’t have. It’s a practice – a conscious choice of how we want to live. 

Choosing authenticity means cultivating the courage to be imperfect, to set boundaries, and to allow ourselves to be vulnerable; exercising the compassion that comes from knowing that we are all made of strength and struggle; and nurturing the connection and sense of belonging that can only happen when we believe that we are enough.  

“Staying real” is one of the most courageous battles that we’ll ever fight. 

Sometimes choosing being real over being liked is all about playing it unsafe. 

Staying vulnerable is a risk we have to take if we want to experience connection. 

When we don’t care at all what people think and we’re immune to hurt, we’re also ineffective at connecting. 

If you trade in your authenticity for safety, you may experience the following: anxiety, depression, eating disorders, addiction, rage, blame, resentment, and inexplicable grief. 

Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be your best.  

Perfectionism is not self-improvement. Perfectionism is, at its core, about trying to earn approval and acceptance. 

Our children learn how to be self-compassionate by watching us, and the people around us feel free to be authentic and connected.  

Most of us engage in behaviors (consciously or not) that help us to numb and take the edge off vulnerability, pain and discomfort.   

When we lose our tolerance for discomfort, we lose joy.  

Feelings of hopelessness, fear, blame, pain, discomfort, vulnerability and disconnection sabotage resilience.  

Without purpose, meaning, and perspective, it is easy to lose hope, numb our emotions, or become overwhelmed by our circumstances.  We feel reduced, less capable, and lost in the face of struggle.  

The heart of spirituality is connection.  

It seems that gratitude without practice may be a little like faith without works – it’s not alive.  

Happiness is tied to circumstance and joyfulness is tied to spirit and gratitude.  

We need to cultivate the spiritual practices that lead to joyfulness, especially gratitude.  

A joyful life is made up of joyful moments gracefully strung together by trust, gratitude, inspiration, and faith.  

Until we can tolerate vulnerability and transform it into gratitude, intense feelings of love will often bring up the fear of loss.  

The dark does not destroy the light; it defines it.  It’s our fear of the dark that casts joy into the shadows.  

If we’re not practicing gratitude and allowing ourselves to know joy, we are missing out on the two things that will actually sustain us during the inevitable hard times.  

In many instances, we equate ordinary with boring or, even more dangerous, ordinary has become synonymous with meaningless.  

When we just want to get the decision-making over with, it’s a good idea to ask ourselves whether we simply can’t stand the vulnerability of being still long enough to think it through and make a mindful decision.  

Intuition is not a single way of knowing – it’s our ability to hold space for uncertainty and our willingness to trust the many ways we’ve developed knowledge and insight, including instinct, experience, faith and reason.  

It’s our fear of the unknown and our fear of being wrong that create most of our conflict and anxiety.  

Faith is a place of mystery, where we find the courage to believe in what we cannot see and the strength to let go of our fear of uncertainty.   

Comparison is all about conformity and competition.  

As long as we’re creating, we’re cultivating meaning.  

Stillness is not about focusing on nothingness; it’s about creating a clearing. It’s opening up an emotionally clutter-free space and allowing ourselves to feel and think and dream and question.  

To overcome self-doubt, and “supposed to”, we have to start owning the messages.  What makes us afraid? What’s on our “supposed to” list? Who says? Why?  

When we value being cool and in control over granting ourselves the freedom to unleash the passionate, goofy, heartfelt, and soulful expressions of who we are, we betray ourselves.  

When we don’t give ourselves permission to be free, we rarely tolerate that freedom in others. 

However afraid we are of change, the question that we must ultimately answer is this: what’s the greater risk? Letting go of what people think or letting go of how I feel, what I believe, and who I am?  

My story matters because I matter.  

Other Council Fires Were Here Before Ours by Jamie Sams and Twylah Nitsch

All quotes from Jamie and Twylah's book


In ancient times, the main purpose of nightly council fires was to learn how to listen. The truths of how to live in harmony were kept alive by wise storytellers who would relate Tribal wisdom through Medicine Stories.... It was the responsibility of the listeners to relate and apply those truths to their personal lives in a manner that would make them grow. 

The Allies and Totems of nature have been great teachers to Native Americans throughout time.  The Stone Tribe, being the eldest of all who have lived on our Earth Mother, are the Record Keepers.... The Stone Nation has long reminded our people of the validity of all Tribes of Earth.  All five races of humankind, the Creature-Beings, the Plant Tribe, the Spirits of the Sky Nation, the Creepy-Crawlers, and the Finned-Ones that swim the seas comprise All Our Relations.  

[Let] go of our spiritual arrogance in order to understand the language of all other life-forms.  

We Two-Leggeds were preceded by our Ancestors, and they were preceded by the Creature-beings and Plant People, who were preceded by the Stone Tribe.  

From other Stone people, who have fallen from the Great Star Nation, we have learned much of other galaxies.  

There are three kinds of work among the Little People.  Some are hunters, finding lost objects.  Some are stone throwers, assisting the Stone People in changing location.  The others look after the seeds. 

These human children of Earth have bodies that stand upright in order to support their minds, keeping their thoughts above their bodies as a reminder that thoughts are the first act of manifesting reality. 

The Universe Has Your Back by Gabrielle Bernstein

All quotes from Gabrielle’s book

It’s our resistance to love that keeps us in the dark. 

The practice of being on a spiritual path isn’t about being the best meditator, or the kindest possible person, or the most enlightened. The practice is about surrendering to love as often as possible. 

I take responsibility for the world I create by making love a habit. 

You see the world that you have made, but you do not see yourself as the image-maker. 

Our own interpretation determines our perception of the reality we experience. 

Our happiness is a direct reflection of how quickly we can restore our fear back to love. 

It’s helpful to keep in mind that the world is your classroom and other people are your assignments. 

Take a deep, honest look at the situation that’s causing you pain, and identify all the ways that person or circumstance is triggering your fear-based beliefs. 

Underneath all our difficult experiences are unfelt anger, resentment, and fear. 

True healing occurs when you give yourself permission to feel whatever feelings live below the triggers. 

Your fear has made you feel separate from others and disconnected from love. 

Your power lies in your ability to change your energy at any time to increase the likelihood of being the recipient of high-vibe, loving energy. 

Your intentions create your reality. 

The universe picks up what you put out. 

Remember that joy is the catalyst for all that is good in the world. 

When we surrender our intentions and feel energized by the infinite possibilities, we will be amazed by how fast the universe responds. 

When we live in love, we live a miraculous life. 

Miracles become involuntary when we make turning to love a habit. 

Walk through life leaning on your faith. 

It’s important to witness the difficult situations in your life through the lens of love. Choose to see them as an opportunity to surrender to your spiritual practice even more. 

The amount of flow and synchronicity we experience can be measured by the depth of our spiritual connection. 

We use judgment to avoid the feeling of our own inadequacy, insecurities, and lack of self-worth. 

Witness your judgment without judgment, accept that you have chosen fear, and be open to receive the help you’re calling for. 

Love accepts. Whenever you notice yourself caught up in judgment or attack, remember that you chose to see it from a sense of separation and fear. 

Attack, pain, fear, judgment, and any form of separation are merely calls for help. 

The presence of fear is your resistance to love.