Standing At the Edge: Finding Freedom Where Fear & Courage Meet by Joan Halifax

To act altruistically is to take unselfish actions that enhance the welfare of others, usually at some cost or risk to our own well-being.  When we are able o stand firm in altruism, we encounter each other without the shadow of expectation and need lurking between us.

Altruism happens when our impulse to serve others overrides our fear and our instincts of self-preservation.

Altruism that is sourced in fear, the unconscious need for social approval, the compulsion to fix other people, or unhealthy power dynamics easily crosses the line into harm.

If we can't regulate our empathy, we may suffer personal distress and be unable to serve, or we may react defensively and unskillfully and cause harm to others and ourselves.

Helping, fixing, and rescuing are unhealthy forms of altruism.

Grounding helps us discern which action might best serve the situation -- and when doing nothing could be the most compassionate response.

Healthy empathy leads us toward connection and skillful action.

When our integrity is compromised, we feel divided inside and separated from our values.

Moral remainder, the painful emotional residue that lingers following actions that violate one's sense of integrity…. Moral remainder was an important part of building resilience.

Gratitude is an expression of integrity.

The conscious practice of gratitude is the way out of the poverty mentality that erodes the heart and with it, our integrity. 

In order to feel respect, we must be grounded in integrity, understanding, and self-knowledge.  To show respect to others we must communicate truthfully and constructively, keeping our promises, upholding dignity, and honoring choices and boundaries.

Respect and disrespect are closely linked with power dynamics:  power with and power over.

On the level of personality, bullies feel a false sense of superiority that is sourced in feelings of inferiority, unacknowledged shame, a lack of self-awareness, emotional blunting and blindness, and the defense mechanism of objectifying others. 

Respect is an offspring of integrity and empathy.

You cannot become enlightened by being busy.

Our deeper identity lies less in what we do and more in how we hold what we do -- how we engage.

When our engagement gets off-balance and our work seems driven by fear, escapism, or compulsion, we are vulnerable to burnout.

Aimlessness is a natural part of life, and many of us have forgotten how to be without a goal and let go and wander.

Being With Dying: Cultivating Compassion and Fearlessness in the Presence of Death by Joan Halifax

Denial of death runs rampant through our culture, leaving us woefully unprepared when it is our time to die, or our time to help others die.  We often aren't available for those who need us, paralyzed as we are by anxiety and resistance -- nor are we available for ourselves. 

The only way to develop openness to situations as they are is by practicing the partners of presence and acceptance.

The message of the Buddha was clear and direct -- freedom from suffering lies within suffering itself, and it is up to each individual to find his or her own way…. He further taught that enlightenment is not a mystical, transcendent experience but an ongoing process, calling for three fundamental qualities: fearlessness, intimacy, and transparency.

A spiritual life is not about being self-conscious, or wearing a button that says "I'm a boddhisattva!"  It is about doing what you have to do with no attachment to outcome.

Equanimity, grounded in letting go, is the capacity to be in touch with suffering and at the same time not be swept away by it.  Equanimity can be thought of as the state of being non-partial -- not impartial, but non-partial.

Our practice of not-knowing points to an openness in perspective, an openness that is deeper than a story, deeper than our expectations, deeper than our wishes, deeper than our personality, deeper than cultural constructs.

Pain is really made up of non-pain elements.  We feel sensations such as duration, intensity, and cadence, and our brains do the rest, interpreting these sensations as pain and making up the story that goes along with it.

Suffering can give birth to a bigger perspective and greater resilience, and, strangely enough, suffering is the mother of kindness and compassion if we turn toward it with openness, making a friend of it. 

Keeping your personal life together is not an optional indulgence but an absolute necessity when it comes to being of use to others in the world.

Our well-being is the well-being of others. 

Here are a few good principles for self-care: See your limits with compassion.  Set up a schedule that is sane.  Know what practices and activities refresh you, and make time for them.  Actively involve, include, and support other caregivers.  Develop a plan for doing your work in a way that is mindful, restorative, wholesome, and healthy.

We need to learn to stay with suffering without trying to change it or fix it.  Only when we are able to be present for our own suffering are we able to present for the suffering of others.